Clean it Up

One of my biggest pet peeves is walking through a parking lot and seeing shopping carts strewn about.  It's as eye sore.  And, for years, I have stated that it's just plain lazy.  But, as it turns out, it's much more than laziness that leads to people leaving a shopping cart in the middle of a parking lot.  Or, throwing a soda can on the side of the road.  Or, littering the ground with a candy wrapper. Let me explain.

I am currently reading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell.  In the book, he demonstrates how seemingly insignificant factors can make a huge difference in creating an epidemic (or reversing one). The example I am currently reading about is how New York City was able to turn around its crime epidemic, which peaked in the late 1980's.

At that time, the subway system was a wreck - dirty, disorderly, and in poor shape. Further, drug use was escalating, and felony crimes throughout the city - particularly on the subway - were at an all-time high.  Additionally, a practice known as "fare-beating" was prevalent at subway stations.  Teams of young men or teenagers would jam turnstiles, then force passengers to give them their subway tokens or money to earn passage through a gate. Because of violence, theft, and fare-beating, the general public lost confidence in the subway system and hundreds of thousands of people stopped using it.

In the mid-1980's proponents of "Broken Window" theory decided to try an experiment to clean up the subway system - and the city.  According to Gladwell's writing, Broken Window theory says that "crime is the inevitable result of disorder.  If a window is broken and left unrepaired, people walking by will conclude that no one cares and no one is in charge. Soon, more windows will be broken, and the sense of anarchy will spread..."

The City of New York tested this theory. For years, subway cars were covered in graffiti.  The city decided that graffiti was one of the primary deterrents to people riding on the subway. Graffiti sent a negative message.  So, car by car, they began to remove and repaint over the graffiti.  When cars were taken out of service, teens would spend hours painting graffiti on these cars late at night. After they had completed their works of art, the city would come with paint cans and rollers and paint over it. The graffiti artists began to realize their efforts were wasted. And, after doing this for six years (until 1990), the city had won the graffiti battle.

They also put resources in place to put a halt to the fare beaters, but they found that cleaning up the subway system was most attributed to putting a stop to the graffiti.

So, what does this have to do with shopping carts and litter in parking lots? Well, it's the same principle.  If certain retailers and neighborhoods would put their foot down and demonstrate that cleanliness is of huge importance, it would send a message. A dozen carts standing alone in a parking lot tells shoppers many things.  But, putting personnel and resources in place to keep carts either in cart holders, or to be returned easily, would also result in contagious behavior.

If you live in an area with lot of broken windows (literally or figuratively), you have a choice to make.  You can move to another area that has nicer windows, or you can help change the attitudes and behaviors by doing your part to keep your neighborhood clean and safe. Trust me...others will notice, and will likely follow suit!

Where's the Evidence?

Seems that the world is just full of believers – people who say they believe in God (whatever you may call Him).  Many of these say they believe that Jesus Christ came to earth, died, and was resurrected.  I have read a couple different statistics on this, but the most recent Pew Research study indicates that 84 percent of the world’s population “has faith.”  Approximately 32 percent of the world’s population considers themselves Christians.  

But, what does this really tell us? If 2.2 billion people believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God, and that only 16 percent of the people in the entire world don’t have faith of any kind, what can we glean? If you ask me, it’s simple.  It’s not good news.  What it means is that people’s beliefs and actions are not in alignment.

Somewhere along the way, we decided that our actions just weren’t as important as the belief we professed.  Sure, scripture is clear that must first BELIEVE.  And, it’s also clear that works cannot save us.  But, the Bible also paints the picture that our actions follow closely with our belief.  Salvation requires repentance, which is turning your back on your old life and beginning to walk in the opposite direction. This means change.  This means sacrifice.  This means discomfort at times.

The problem for most Christians is not that they don’t want to change, or that they don’t want to do the right thing.  It’s that wanting to do it, and actually doing it are completely different.  Let’s say you love your spouse with all your heart. Day after day you thank God for him or her.  They are on your mind constantly.  But, you always work late. You rarely speak an encouraging word. You never tell her how much she means.  You never plan a date night. You rarely smile at home. But, wait…you love your spouse.  You adore them. But, your actions don’t line up with your feelings.

In James, we read that faith without good works is a dead faith.  Not “no faith,” but a dead one. Lifeless. Pointless. Dormant. So, if your faith is pushing up daisies, who even knows that you have faith? What evidence is there to support that you believe?

I read a quote in a magazine article a couple years ago that has stuck with me.  To paraphrase, the author said that the biggest gap that exists in the life of a Christian is not the gap between what we know and what we need to know.  The biggest gap is between what we know and how we live. Ouch.

You may not know the entire Bible from cover to cover.  You may only know a couple of the Commandments – that you’re supposed to love your neighbor, not murder, not steal, not covet.  So, what are you doing with what you know? How are you living?  What choices are you making to demonstrate your beliefs?

I recently read a book entitled Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman.  The book is incredibly well-written, and equally convicting.  Idleman claims that most Christians are “fans” of Jesus. We like to associate ourselves with Christ.  We even agree with everything Jesus says.  But, we just don’t want to actually follow him.  We don’t want to give up control. We don’t want to go “all in.”

We think if we go “all in” we’ll have to give up some things. Maybe so.  We think if we go “all in” we’ll have to act differently.  Hopefully so.  We think that going “all in” will change our identity. Definitely so! 

After all, isn’t that why you accepted Christ in the first place? 

John 14:15 simply says this: If you love me, obey my commands. (NLT)

Your spouse wants you to cherish her.  Your kids want you to spend time with them.  Your friends want you to be trustworthy. Your co-workers want you to be dependable.

But, God wants you to obey.  Why?  Because He loves you.  He knows what is best for you.  And, He knows you love Him when you do what He asks. And, everybody else will too!

Lazy Kids, or Lazy Parents?

There was really no way to prepare myself for this.  No self-help book, YouTube video, blog post, or podcast could possibly have done the trick.  Most days, I feel like I am Velma, blind as a bat and scrambling on all fours trying to find my glasses on the ground.  This harsh reality is starting to sink in: I am now the parent of a teenager.

I can barely remember when I was a teenager at this point.  While I am not yet in my 40’s, my teen years are distant memories. I can recall events, people, places. I remember games, parties, school trips.  What I have a tough time remembering is what it was like to be a teenager. The awkwardness.  The growth. The increased appetite. The hormones.  The pimples.  OK, I remember the pimples a little more…especially those I got between my upper lip and my nostril – OUCH!

I keep hearing people say that it’s so much tougher being a parent of a teenager today than it was when I was an adolescent.  I know there’s the technology – internet, social media, camera phones, texting, and the like.  I understand that teens today consider their phone an appendage. I get that.  But, is it really tougher to be a parent today than 25 years ago?  I’m not convinced it is.

Since the Garden of Eden, there have always been ways for people to get into trouble – both adults and kids alike.  It’s called making poor choices.  The “device” or snare may be different, but essentially it’s the same.  The forbidden fruit of yesterday is a multitude of pleasures and vices today. Temptation has been around forever. But does more temptation mean you parent differently?

Sure, smart phones, Xbox 360, tablets, laptops, and of course HDTV have collectively given kids of all ages more ways to spend (waste) time than when I was a kid. Shoot, my summer break was spent watching reruns of The Jefferson’s and Gilligan’s Island all morning long, then playing the occasional game of Missile Command on my Atari.  Because these were the only forms of media I had available, I spent a lot of time playing baseball, basketball, football, and riding bikes outside. You don’t see that as much from kids today.  But, is that because moms and dads have a tougher time parenting?

If you ask me, it’s simple.  Today’s kids are not tougher to parent.  That isn’t the issue here.  Technology hasn’t made it more difficult to be a parent of a teenager.  It’s the exact opposite.  Technology has made it easier for parents to become lazy.  It’s opened the door for mom and dad to not have to be hands-on with their kids.  Instead of coming up with ways to be engaged with their kids, parents use the TV, iPod, tablet, or phone to babysit.  And, so far it is working.  When parents allow this to happen, they are essentially being replaced. It’s sad.

You may be wondering, “Does your teenager have a phone? Does he have a nice gaming system? Does he text? Does he watch TV?”  The answer to all of these questions is “yes.”  But, here’s what I can tell you: the amount of time he watches TV is limited, as is the amount of time on the video game. The phone is never kept in his room, and his texts are not “private.” We do not have a “video game room” that our kids disappear into for hours on end. My wife and I watch them like hawks.

The best parenting advice I think I have received was from Nick Person, who used to serve as the Middle School Pastor at my church.  As my son was about to enter sixth grade, I told Nick I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle being the parent of a teenager.  He laughed and said, “Just keep loving him like you have been, and stay in his business.  The kids who have the most trouble are the ones whose parents back off and don’t stay involved in what’s going on in their lives.”

So, that’s what I am doing.  I do not want him to get swept up in the current that will likely toss some of his classmates out to sea.  I know I will have to choose my battles, and will even have to allow him to fail and make unwise choices.  But, I will be with him every step of the way, and I will love him so much that it might mean I am not as cool as everyone else’s parents in his eyes. 

And, I am OK with that.  I can handle the attitude.  But could someone please help me with the B.O.?

Take a Hike

I had many reasons not to.  I was exhausted.  I had things to do – mow the grass, edge, weed, remove bird poo from our porch and sidewalk (bird’s nest – sheesh), shop for Mother’s Day, get kids to school, pick up kids from school, haircuts, laundry…just to name several.  Everything in my brain, and every ache on my body was telling me not to.  But, I did it anyway.  I took a hike.

One of my favorite spots to hike is up Pigeon Hill to the top of Li’l Kennesaw Mountain, and that is where the story begins.  It was a crisp spring morning, but just warm enough to throw on some shorts. I began the steep climb up the hill, a rather wide, gravelly jaunt in the shade just across Burnt Hickory Road. The first 50 yards were great, but I quickly began to feel the burn in my thighs and heaviness in my lungs.  I hadn’t even been out there two minutes.

I had the picture of cannons in my mind…cannons that marked the pinnacle of this particular journey. The ones located at the top of Li’l Kennesaw Mountain.  I looked up at the incline ahead of me, and immediately I began to make concessions.  “I’ll just go far enough where I can look out and see the land below.  I don’t have to make it to the cannons.” The cannons seemed so far away.

After just five minutes, I was questioning my will to press on.  I had done this trail in the fall a couple times, and I just didn’t recall it being so steep.  Every ten paces or so, I would look up and doubt myself. After what seemed like an eternity, I came to the end of the path and began the arduous climb up the rock.  This is not like REAL rock climbing, but in the most literal sense, I was climbing/walking up nothing but granite for several minutes. My feet pounded. My heart did the very same. And, before long, I reached the top of Pigeon Hill.

Shortly after reaching the top of Pigeon Hill, the path transitioned from rock to soil/pine straw, and back to rock again.  And, it narrowed considerably. As I pressed onward and upward, I noticed patches of Poison Oak reaching in, trying its best to nip at my ankles. I carefully placed each foot on the rocky path, carefully avoiding the pesky leaves.

Before long, I was having difficulty putting much weight on my left ankle.  Any step down/in that caused my toes to be higher than my heel resulted in extreme pain. So I began to climb more gingerly, putting the bulk of the strain on my right foot and ankle.

I realized that perhaps hiking today was not the wisest choice I could have made.   But, at this point, I was a mile up the mountain. What choice did I have now?

I made the decision that the only way I could continue was to keep my head down. Keeping my head down accomplished two things: first, it was the only way to avoid injury, given the terrain; second, if I kept my head down, I was less likely to be discouraged by what I saw ahead.

I began to focus almost exclusively on the music playing on the iPod, developing a rhythm with my steps. I soon reached the lookout point, and I knew I was fairly close to the top.  I pushed my body and my mind harder, inhaling deeper, more controlled breaths with each pace along the path. As I neared my destination, my pace quickened, and my spirit soared.  I was in the zone. 

I made my way through a final rocky clearing, then around one last bend…and there they were: the cannons.

Perhaps you are facing an uphill battle in your life.  You have legitimate reasons for delaying the journey. You ache, you are tired.  Every time you begin to face it, you are discouraged by what you see ahead.  You have convinced yourself that you will never get there.  So, you compromise.  You feel like you are pressed in.  Obstacles are strewn about, trying to trip you up, and cause your footing to slip. You feel alone. 

But, there is hope.  You can keep the vision you have for your life in your mind.  Play it over and over again.  Don’t look up at the obstacles ahead.  Keep your head down, and take it one step at a time.  It may require delicate steps and careful planning, and some voices of encouragement to help you find your rhythm.  But, in the end, if you persevere, there will be a clearing.  And, you will experience the exhilaration of knowing that the cannons are just ahead.

An Extra Cheesy Story

My son, Chandler, is a picky eater.  He really only has one food group: carbs.  He’ll eat breads, cereals, Pop-Tarts, waffles, and candy.  But, not pasta. No way.  Suffice it to say that it’s a challenge to find things he will try.  Over the last couple years, he will actually try BBQ sauce on chicken.  It’s the only sauce/ condiment he will eat.  Not ketchup. Not mustard. Not any type of dressing.  He won’t even put milk on his cereal.  Dry cereal – yes.  Cup of milk – no problem.  But, you CANNOT mix the two!

For a long time, he would only eat a taco if it was ground beef on a soft flour tortilla.  He eventually added shredded cheese.  But not ON the taco…on the side, in a little cup.  Gradually, he was willing to put the cheese inside the taco, but it was a process.  A painful one for us as parents. 

After he was willing to introduce shredded cheese to his diet, he began to try other types of cheese, and actually liked them. After a while, he started eating the cheese sticks.  You know…the white individually wrapped “string cheese” sticks that are packaged as a snack food.  Because of his finicky eating habits, this was a big deal, especially since he doesn’t each much protein – other than the gallon-plus of 1% milk he consumes each week.

Even though he started expanding his world of food, it continued to be a challenge for him to find things he was willing to eat at school.  He’d purchase a school lunch, and only eat the bread, and maybe a couple chicken nuggets.  So, this year my wife started packing his lunch at home a couple times each week. That way, we can prepare foods that we know he likes (and will eat…most of the time).

A typical lunch for Chandler would look like this: shaved ham or turkey slices (not on bread – the horrors!), a stick of cheese, some Wheat Thins, raisins, and a couple cookies.  Not too bad of a lunch for an eight-year old.  But, many times he’d bring the cheese home.  And, his mom and I would say, “You need to eat your cheese!”

A couple weeks ago, Chandler got a stomach bug, and wasn’t able to eat much of anything.  After several days, he finally was able to regain his appetite and return to school.  On the way home from school, I had the following conversation with him:

Me: “Chandler, did you eat your lunch today?” 
Chandler: “Yes.”
Me: “Did you eat all of it?”
Chandler: “Yes.  Well, most of it.”
Me: “Did you eat your cheese?”
Chandler: “No.  I gave it to my friend.”
Me: “You did WHAAAAT?  Why did you give it to your friend?  Did he have his own lunch?”
Chandler: “Yes, he had his own lunch.  He just asks me every day if he can have my cheese.  So, I give it to him.”

OK, timeout.  At this point, I am thinking a couple things.  First, that kid needs to keep his hands off your cheese.  Second, I come up with an idea…and I share it with Chandler.

Me: “Well, you tell your friend that he can have your cheese if he gives you his cookies.”
Chandler: “OK!”

It then hits me what a horrible father I am.  Not only am I encouraging my son not eat his cheese, but to trade it for more junk!

So, I say to Chandler, “No, no, no.  Don’t do that.  (I am already playing out in my mind what my wife would say if she heard my proposal).  Just tell your friend that your parents told you that you need to eat your cheese from now on.”

Chandler: “OK.”

Later that evening, Chandler tells Amy that he has been giving his friend the cheese stick every day.  Amy asks him some of the same questions I asked him, and thankfully Chandler left out the details of my scheme to score more cookies. Whew!

I wake up the next morning, thankful that this little cheese episode is behind us.  I get Chandler his breakfast (Pop-Tart or dry cereal, of course), and start to pack the lunch that Amy has prepared for him. I open the freezer to take our one of the ice packs, and place it in the bottom of his lunch box.  I then open the refrigerator.  I reach up and take the shaved ham, when I notice something peculiar.  I immediately wonder if there has been some sort of mistake. But, then a small grin breaks out on my face.  My heart dances, and I shake my head.  I reach back up to the top shelf of the fridge, and stare in wonder at what I hold in my hand: two cheese sticks.