I don't know why I expect that everything is going to come up roses. I'm not sure why I believe things are supposed to go my way every time. I cannot understand how it came to be that I think I should be immune to adversity.
But, I must. Because when these things happen, I don't like it too much. I often get defensive, and like any great lawyer, I begin to build my case. I claw, scrape, analyze, research - do everything I feel I need to in order to "win" my argument.
One of the things that helps me get through trials is a deep breath, followed by a slow exhale. I've found that I've been doing this quite a bit lately.
The last few months have been perhaps the most emotionally and intellectually draining time in my life. But, as John Ortberg (my favorite Christian author) points out, these taxing moments and difficult times not only show us what we're made of, they are also the times when God is trying to grow us on the inside.
In the midst of the battle, it's tough to see that God is doing great work. Even if I am aware that He's at work, and that He is preparing me for something fantastic, it usually not much consolation. Typically, that is because I'm focused on the junk I'm dealing with rather than any potential positive outcome beyond the present moment.
Jesus told his disciples, "In this world you will have trouble. But, take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33 NIV)
And, no matter how many conversations I have, how much I analyze, research, debate, or put up defenses, the ONLY thing that can truly bring me peace is knowing in my heart that Jesus has already won the one true battle that matters most.