There are just days when I lament over it. It's an inconvenience at times. It eats up a good bit of time. It is money we don't need to spend. It isn't even necessary.
I am talking about taking my kids to school every day.
We pay taxes to cover transportation for our kids getting to and from school. The easy thing would be just to put them on the "big cheese wagon" every day and head in to work.
But, years ago, my wife and I made the decision to drive the kids to school. Every day.
It used to be less of an inconvenience - especially when they were attending the same school for two years. But, these days, I am driving an additional 16 miles in the morning. And I am going AWAY from my place of employment by dropping my older son off at high school. When you figure we also are picking him up four times per week from football, we are driving in excess of 140 miles per week just to the high school and back.
So, why do it?
I have asked this question many times of late. Particularly on those days when traffic is jammed on 41, or when the car line is 20+ minutes long.
In the end, we made this decision years ago because we felt it was the right decision for our family. But, there was one benefit that never occurred to me until recently.
Andy Stanley, the Senior Pastor at Northpoint Church, talks quite a bit about the cumulative effect of the choices we make. Essentially, like interest on a bank account, consistent small amounts add up to something significant over time.
I have taken my older son to school since he was two years old. He is now 14. In those 12 years, I have had the opportunity to spend an extra 10-20 minutes per day with him that I would have missed out on. If that time averages to 15 minutes per day, multiplied by 180 school days per year, over a 12-year stretch, that adds up to 540 hours of additional time I have spent with my older son. That figure is 360 hours for my 10-year old.
Discussions about school. About baseball. About the Braves, the 49ers, Bulldogs. About vacations. About what was for lunch that day. About the plans for the evening. About friends and family and church. Precious time and precious words.
I am less than a year and a half away from my older son having a driver's license. Sure, that may be convenient for me or for my wife when he can drive. But, I will also miss out on that extra 15-20 minutes of "father-son" time I have been privileged to spend with him.
Thank you, Lord, for allowing me this gift through the years!
When you ask anyone what they want in life, one of the more popular answers will be "happiness."
When you speak with couples early in their relationships, and ask why they are with their significant other, he/she will almost always say "they make me happy."
Even the wise sage Bobby McFerrin capitalized on this emotion: don't worry, be happy.
Easier said (or sang) than done.
We desire happiness, but if we're honest, there's a great deal of time in our life spent unhappily.
Happiness is contingent upon our circumstances. We're generally happy when we have our way. Conversely, we're unhappy when things don't go our way.
One definition of the word "happy" says this: delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing.
Sometimes we can confuse happiness for joy. While they are similar, I believe there's a rather profound difference in the two words.
The same dictionary defines the word "joy" as follows: the emotion of great delight caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying. Read that again. Now re-read the definition of "happy". They're not the same.
In "C.A.'s abridged dictionary," I would define happiness as a feeling you have when you get what you want. Joy, on the other hand, is much deeper. While happiness is typically something we feel when something happens to us, joy is something working in and through us.
The source of happiness is clearly my circumstances. I am healthy. I got a bonus at work. My son hit a home run. I got ten cents off at the pump with my membership card today. The sun is out. I got to eat at my favorite restaurant. My boss told all of us to cut out of work an hour early. I am happy.
The source of pure joy, however, is not dependent upon my circumstances. It is a gift given by the One to whom we need to be anchored. Especially when things do not go our way.
Consider the following scriptures that speak of joy:
The hope of the righteous brings joy. Proverbs 10:28
There I will go to the altar of God, to God—the source of all my joy. Psalm 43:4
Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything. 2 Corinthians 6:10
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. James 1:2
Say what? When trouble comes my way, it's an opportunity for what? For anger? For revenge? For scorn? For bitterness? No. For Joy.
I know! I am with you! It just doesn't seem to make sense. But, when does God ever work in ways that make sense to us?
But, here's the deal in a nutshell. When we consider that the source of our joy is the Lord, the picture begins to clear a little. When we then consider that our Lord is the source of hope, we are yet a step closer.
This is precisely how we can be so distraught, yet remain joyful, in the midst of a storm. Our hope is not in our salary. Our hope is not in our spouse. Our hope is not in our kids. Our hope is not in our health. Our hope is in the Lord God Almighty, and was given to us through Jesus Christ.
I'd like to leave you with words from someone who knew intimately about the joy that only comes from the Father. His name is Paul. He killed Christians. But, then Jesus confronted him. Blinded him. Stripped away everything he knew. Then, he filled him up with Himself, transforming this "chief of all sinners" to the man who, aside from Jesus himself, had the most profound impact on the spread of the Gospel.
I pray that God, the
source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you
trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the
power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
You may not realize it, but there is a cost associated with everything you do. I am not talking about money here, although many times our decisions do involve dollars and cents. No, I am referring to opportunity costs - those things we give up when we make a decision. Each and every choice we make costs us something we are NOT doing.
In terms of our budgets, the decision to buy a car likely means we cut back on eating out, trips to the movie theater, or a family vacation. Those are all costs of buying a car, in addition to the amount you are paying your bank or a dealership.
But, while financial decisions are concrete examples of costs that hit our wallets, there's a resource far more valuable in terms of opportunity costs: time. When we choose to spend our time one way, we relinquish our ability to spend it another way. And that means the stakes are high. Sometimes we can earn or make the money back that we spend. But, we cannot get the time back.
- When you choose to spend an hour browsing the internet, what are you giving up?
- When you live on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Foursquare, etc - what are you surrendering?
- When you watch Judge Judy, Days of Our Lives, Dr. Phil, and Ellen each day, what are you missing out on?
Conversely, there are also costs associated with our supposed "wise" choices in life:
- When you go on a four-mile hike, you may sweat, ache, and burn - you are giving up relaxation.
- When you serve at a concession stand at a high school football game, you are allowing parents watch their kids play...but there are other things you could be doing - Friday night movie? A night out with the boys? A date night with your wife?
- When you coach your son or daughter's team, you are pouring into kids who need positive influences in their lives. But, you are sacrificing some things as well - sitting on the sidelines as a fan, not having to worry about lineup cards, dealing with umpires/officials, planning for practices and games.
Generally speaking, I don't believe people weigh their choices. Most times we just fly by the seat of our pants. We are not intentional. We make choices in the moment, rather than contemplating the possible ramifications of our decisions. And, in the end, most of us just wind up doing what appeals to us the most. Meanwhile, we surrender our ability to make calculated investments in the lives of those we love the most.
So, here's the question: What is greater - the rewards you receive for the small sacrifices you make, or the potential you've squandered by chasing things that matter little?
Everything has a cost. You just may never see it until it's too late.
"It's no big deal."
"No one would care."
"I'm only protecting him/ her."
"It's not hurting anyone or anything."
"No one needs to know about that."
"It's just a little fib. At least I am not killing people."
These are the rationalizations that echo in our minds and hearts when we make the decision to tell a lie.
I understand that no one wants to hurt someone's feelings when they ask, "Do these pants look good on me?" But, this is not what I am talking about. I am talking about a good (bad) old-fashioned lie.
As a parent, I am having to deal with this subject. Just this week, I had a "family meeting" with my kids after I was informed about a conversation my youngest son had at a friend's house. Essentially, he and his friend were talking about lying. I am not sure exactly how it came up, but my son said something to the effect of, "I don't tell lies very often...but when I do, I get away with it." He's still trying to pry his size 4 Reebok out of his mouth.
If that wasn't bad enough, he went on to justify these fibs by saying that lying "isn't that big of a sin." He said there are much worse things he could be doing than lying...almost as if he's doing us a FAVOR by "only" lying! Deep breath.
I wasn't present when he had this conversation, but it was relayed to my wife, who in turn filled me in. The string of emotions I felt ranged from disappointment to anger to disbelief to sadness. And, while my initial tendency was to get upset with him, more than anything else this discovery led me to think more deeply of my role as a parent.
One morning this week, I drove my son to school, and I brought up this not-so-fun subject. I explained to him what I had heard, and he pretty much admitted what he said. I asked him if he said that lying wasn't that big of a sin, and he also admitted that to me. Instead of body-slamming him and screaming to the top of my lungs, I decided to use this as a teachable moment. I told him that "sin is sin," and that ALL sin is wrong, and it makes our hearts yucky.
I proceeded to say that while sin is sin, that the consequences of our sins depend on the violation (I used more 4th-grade friendly words for him). Lying is a sin. Murder is a sin. Adultery is a sin. Idol worship is a sin. The penalty for my transgression will vary greatly from situation to situation. But, while on the surface lying may seem like a "small sin," it has the potential to be just as devastating as any other.
I told my little boy that developing a pattern of lying behavior is not a road he wants to travel. I asked him what can happen when he lies, and gets away with it. He had some great answers! First, his friends and teachers could label him as "the kids who lies." Second, he could begin to lie more and more. Third, he would have to humble himself and apologize and ask for forgiveness. Next, he would lose credibility with the people who matter to him the most. Finally, he would lose privileges.
Obviously, the list could go on and on, but I think my little buddy got the point. And, while the topic of sin and lying is never a fun one to deal with, I must say that having these frank conversations with my family has truly been a highlight of my week.
My eyes need to be opened to what my kids are facing. And, they also need to be opened to my role and responsibilities as a parent - to love and train my kids to not just believe in Jesus, but to be like him.
A few years ago I had the privilege of meeting sports psychologist Jack Llewellyn. He had spoken at our staff meeting on a couple occasions, and he had given us each one of the books he had written as a parting gift. One of those books was entitled Let 'em Play, which was written to parents of kids who play youth sports.
Being a dad of two boys who play baseball and basketball, I was very interested to read the book. In a nutshell, Dr. Jack claims that having kids participate in ultra-competitive sports at a very young age is likely a bad thing. First, it can put too much pressure on them. Second, it can burn them out. Third, they don't have as much time to participate in other sports or activities. Fourth, it often turns sensible parents into monsters. And, fifth, you as a parent leave less margin in your own life.
I enjoyed the book so much, and believed in what he shared to the point that I asked him if he would get me an additional ten copies of the book. I gave each family on my baseball team a copy of the book to read for themselves.
That was part of the reason that we waited until age 12 for my oldest to participate in travel baseball. I knew the time commitment involved - both for him and for me (as well as my wife). I also had heard and read about so many young athletes who quit playing before high school because they just wanted some of their life back. They spent ten months non-stop playing 100+ games with no time for anything - friends, family gatherings, church, other hobbies. I didn't want that to become my family.
I think back to when I was a kid. I was one of the better baseball players and basketball players during my time. On average, I would play 12 regular season baseball games, and maybe another 6-8 All-Star games, from age 10 up to age 14. So, that was less than 20 games total! For basketball, I played eight regular season games, and a tournament at the end of the year. So, maybe 11-12 games total. In all, I played in 30 contests in a given year for two sports!
Today, some kids are playing in excess of 120 games if they are playing travel baseball and competitive basketball. That doesn't take into consideration the practices. This leaves little time for anything else. Further, it truly can get them exhausted before they ever enter high school - the years that TRULY matter most when preparing to play at a competitive level (if you hope to play in college).
Most of all, I want my kids to have fun. As a parent, I want them to excel and I push them to do their very best. But, I can get carried away.
Recently, I was playing basketball with my two sons in the driveway. I was wanting them to work on dribbling properly, squaring their shoulders up to the basket when they shoot, pivoting and bounce-passing to their teammate. What I was instructing them to do was absolutely correct. But, sometimes my timing couldn't be worse. My kids just wanted to have fun with dad in the driveway. And, I almost missed it.
I remember taking the ball out and "checking it" with my older son. I was harping on his younger brother for not doing something the correct way, and his older brother says, "It's OK, dad. We're just playing for fun." His words pierced my heart and about knocked me over. I felt so ashamed of myself for spending these 15-20 minutes I had with them pointing out everything they were doing wrong instead of just enjoying our time together on the "court."
In the end, Dr. Jack is right. We just need to "let 'em play." There's a time for hard work - but it doesn't have to happen in the driveway with dad all the time.
